Random musing…..

“Rachel Getting Married”,  “The Last Kiss”, ” Dan in Real Life”,  “The Story of Us”

For some reason I am inexplicably drawn to these types of movies and in particular certain scenes within these movies   If you have seen these movies then you can probably detect a common them that runs through them all.  Yes, they are all dramas, but more than just dramas about certain events or places, they are dramas about everyday life and all the ups and downs that come from living it.  They display the raw brokenness of what it means to live in a really F-uped world and with some broken ass people.  I like that.  I like the drama, the hurt, the show of almost raw emotion that is on display.  I like the fact that these movies don’t hide the reality of life behind some glossy Disney-fied veneer of “everything is going to be all right.”  Cause sometimes everything isn’t all right..sometimes life is hard and sometimes, most times, there is an undercurrent of sadness that runs through our existence that these movies seem to slightly capture.  Maybe it’s the melancholy part of me, but I almost enjoy living vicariously through the characters and the story.  Maybe I recognize that my life is not full of much drama and there is a part of me that wants to experience the raw emotions and passions usually involved when you both love and hate something or someone.  Or maybe I should just stop reading Ecclesiastes and Job.  HA!

As you can see its been quite some time since I posted.  I started this blog because I liked writing and at the time I felt the inspiration to write. So maybe it was appropriate that the lack of inspiration in writing had coincided with the lack of inspiration I felt about life in general.  Where was God these past few years?  He was there, just dimmer.  Some people call it the desert, a place of dryness, and maybe that’s where God had placed me.  It was an odd and disconcerting place for me to be, if only because I had always been in places of springs…but I do know God was there with me the whole time, just like he was with the Israelites in the desert and like them I am beginning to see the “cloud by day and fire by night.”  Maybe I am still not out of the desert,

but I do sense a wind blowing,

a light shining forth,

dreams long forgotten,

visions long ago discarded,

whispers of a voice that I have not heard in a long time,

a stirring that I have not felt in a long time,

Where do I go from here?  I have absolutely no clue, but something deep within me is stirring once again, something inexpressible, a God that I thought fell silent is beginning to speak…..and this post is hopefully the sign of something more….

His Plan For Me

When I stand at the Judgment Seat of Christ
And He shows me His plan for me,
The plan of my life as it might have been,
Had He had His way; and I see

How I blocked Him here, and I checked Him there
And I would not yield my will,
Will there be grief in my Saviour’s eyes,
Grief though He loves me still?

He would have me rich, and I stand here poor,
Stripped of all but His grace,
While memory runs like a hunted thing
Down the paths I cannot retrace.

Then my desolate heart will well nigh break
With tears that I cannot shed;
I shall cover my face with my empty hands;
I shall bow my uncrowned head.

Lord of the years that are left to me,
I give them to Thy hand;
Take me and break me, mold me to
The pattern Thou hast planned.

- Martha Snell Nicholson

Wisdom

During my time at IHOP, people would always teach that it was wisdom to pray biblical or apostolic prayers. For those that are unfamilliar with the “ways” of IHOP, all of the prayers prayed at IHOP are taken from the bible, more specifically the prayers that the apostles pray for the specific churches. (ie. Eph 1:17-19, Eph 3:14-19, Phil, 1:9-11, etc…) Now given that I respected the leaders at IHOP as men and women of God, I kinda of just went along with it. “When in Rome….” Although it was new to me, there was nothing really objectionable about praying biblical prayers and it was not like I was going to say “No I won’t pray prayers that come from the bible!” While at IHOP, I developed the habit of using those prayers as my framework, but honestly I still did not truly understand what they meant by saying it was wisdom. Until I came home.

While I still kept up my daily prayer times just like at IHOP, I had fallen out of the habit of using the apostolic prayers. It was only when I began to join in prayer with the JHOP SF team that I realized how “me” centered my prayers had become. Like a lightning bolt I was struck with the truth of what I had learned; that it was wisdom to pray from the bible. At the end of the day, stripped of all of the eloquence and “spiritual spin” that I put on them, my prayers were nothing more than selfish pleas for more comfort, an easier life, and taking the road most traveled. Perspective returned as I realized that God was so much more concerned that I “live a life worthy of the calling that I received,” “knowing the depth and height of his love,” excel in the spiritual gifts,” “having the spirit of wisdom and revelation, that I would know him more.”

Praying in accord with God’s Word does something to our inner man, it takes our self-centered prayers, that all of us are prone to fall into, and lifts them into the heart of God, praying and asking for the things that He desires. It brings about the true heart and quality of an intercessor; one who desires what God desires, longs for what God longs for, and will partner with God through prayer so that “thy will be done on Earth.”

I see

This is just something that came out of some of my times of prayer.  It’s more poetic than literal…..

I asked the Lord what He sees when He looks upon the Earth….

 I see …..

people that have turned against me

violence and destruction

people that are crying out in pain and sorrow

people who don’t care about me

people that disdain me and hate my name

People who reject my love and could care less that I am here

People running around completely ignoring me and just living life in a futile way

People that will not hear my cries and pleas for their lives

People who do not see the tears that I cry for them and the sorrow that I feel for them

People who refuse to take my free gift

 

I also see…..

A people whos very life purpose is found in me

A people that are devoted to me

A people that love me with all of their hearts, minds, and souls

A people that mourn and cry for more of me

A people that are willing to die for me everyday

A people that will one day be filled with glory……..

Conviction

A passage taken from Knowing God’s Way by Zac Poonen. All I can say is “ouch,” but in the best way possible…Holy Spirit conviction. I am grateful for those moments of grace where I am able to examine my own motives, it may be uncomfortable at first, but I know that it will produce a fruit of righteousness later on.

“Remember that it is to believers that the Holy Spirit says, “Little children, guard yourselves from idols” (1 Jn.5:21). There is no difference between a heathen man who wants to accept Christ in addition to his existing gods, and the so-called believer who wants to accept Christ, but still wants to pursue after money (his present god).

That would be like a woman who is already married who now wants to marry a second husband. It is amazing how believers can fool themselves into thinking that Jesus Christ will agree to that type of a marriage with them. How many of us would be willing to marry a girl who is already married to another man. Yet you expect Christ to marry you, without your having forsaken your love for the world and its honour, its pleasures and its wealth.

Idols made of wood and stone are not as deceptive as the invisible ones (like money and honour), because one can see one’s idolatry clearly when bowing down to physical idols. If you saw a man bowing down before a statue of some heathen idol in one room and then going into the next room and praying to Jesus Christ, you would not consider him to be a Christian. But what is the difference between him and the man who spends his whole week worshipping the idols of money, the honour of men and worldly ambitions and then comes to the meetings on Sundays and tries to worship Christ. I think there is more hope for the man who worships Buddha than for such a “believer”.

But those who have lived to do the will of God and for the glory of God will find that they have tremendous joy in that day. Material things are only for our use on this earth. That is all. As long as we use them, that is all right. But they should never master us. It is one thing to use money. It is another thing to be mastered by it. Money is an excellent servant but a terrible master. Consider a woman who is married to an excellent man, but who loves the car-driver (chauffeur) more than her husband and spends most of her time with the chauffeur. What would you think of such a woman? That is an exact description of the believer who is always thinking of making more and more money (beyond his legitimate needs) than on how he can be more effective for the Lord.

When the devil sees that he can’t enslave a man through a bad habit, he will enslave him through something neutral – just so that the man has no time for God, or for reading the Bible, or for fellowship. It could be a good, clean television program that enslaves a man. The devil is looking for believers who will seek their own – their own entertainment, their own profit, etc., The devil has 101 means to keep a man away from God. That is why we need to see sin not just as drinking and gambling and adultery and murder. We must see sin as “living for ourselves”. To sin is to do what pleases ourselves, to do our own will. From that root, many fruits of sin come forth. Jesus died to save us from all that.

Awesome

I turned on the IHOP Webstream today and the first thing that I hear coming though those speakers is…….

“This is my delight, to die to follow you…I will die to follow you”

Crazy, scary, but so awesome.

(I think it was Misty Edwards who was singing it too)

Intercessor

I was just scouring the net one day and I randomly stumbled upon this little article, but it really spoke to me. Note: I believe that intercession is a calling that is laid before all believers and not just for a “special few,” but it is only available to those that seek after it and long for God more than any other. I believe that the verse of “many are called, but few are chosen,” can be applied to this life of intercession. Not that intercessors are more special or better than anyone else, rather they have heard the unmistakable call upon their lives and have become “undone” because of it. Make no mistake, it will cost you…time, energy, sleep, food, pleasure, money, ….sacrificing the “good” that hinders for the best is never easy, but you will gain something that the world and even some in the church will never value nor esteem, but to those who are, “Just trying to get home,” it will be more precious than gold.

“Being called to an intercessory life of prayer is a lonely life. It means walking down a solitary path and feeling alone in the midst of a crowd, in the arms of a loved one, in a church that claims to be the Bride of Christ. No one, including family, friends, or other Christians, understands the depth of anguish and loneliness an intercessor experiences. The only ones who can comprehend this are those who have had this mantle of ministry draped over their shoulders.

We are called upon to function outside of the idiosyncrasies of our everyday lives, to be normal, when our spirits see no normalcy. We labor in a spiritual field within the temporal confines of the physical world. Our hearts see into the realm of darkness, and cry rivers of tears our eyes are not able handle or bear. We struggle under a burden, not for what we are interceding, but one of being misunderstood by those who are unaware of the battle being waged for the souls of men, and of the evil lurking everywhere, especially within the “church” itself.

We breathe our prayers before the Throne of heaven, yet we are human. We are frail, and we must undergo the rigors of self-examination by our own consciences, as well as dealing with what the Holy Spirit shows us is wrong in our lives. Ours is a dual life lived out in a pluralistic plane. Ours is a calling fraught with the heartaches of what we must intercede for, but lest you think I am soliciting pity, it is also a high calling compensated in ways many will never experience. Just as real as the express longing raging in our hearts, is the nearness of the Lord’s presence. Often times He manifests Himself to us in ways, which defy describing.”

As I read this passage I was immediately reminded of a verse from a song that I use to sing at IHOP, which itself is actually taken from Psalm 84 :

“You’re courts are lovely and the longing of my heart is to abide in the presence of the holy, to enter and remain.

Even the sparrow has a home, even the swallow a nest for her young, O how I long for the day when you’ll never depart from unbroken communion……

When will you come to me,

When will you dwell with me,

When will you dwell with me.?

Wedding

This past weekend I found myself in Ohio (Yes, Ohio) to celebrate a really good friend’s wedding. The bride was on my missions team in East Asia and I had a great time reconnecting and just hanging out with my other teammates who were also there for the wedding. Although we had not seen each other for over a year, the level and depth of friendship built up over two years never was questioned. We got back into the same “routine” and was like we were never separated this past year. I was reminded of how blessed we were to go on missions together and although we may have “lost” two years in the “real world,” the friendships that God gave us were a far greater blessing than anything we might have “given up” to go on missions. I guess spending two years with people day in and day out, through fights and disagreements, joy and disappointment, wierd bathroom stories and awkward Christmas parties, boring classes and questionable dorms, 35-cent dinners and dollar DVDs, only serves to strengthen the bonds of friendship.

Stuff I am learning at the moment

Trials…..Testing of one’s faith……

  “If you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength.”  Proverbs 24:10

 It is said that only in trials is the true substance of our faith revealed.  We can all praise God when all is well but that type of faith is a fluff faith unable to withstand even the mildest of all storms let alone the true winds of the Lord that can and will shake our lives to the very core. 

Instead of asking for God to end this trial as quickly and painlessly as possible maybe the question that God wants me to ask is “What am I to learn from this?. What is the kingdom purpose?  No, not an easy question, but the process of “forming Christ in me” never is.

Realizing how foolish the “health, wealth, and prosperity gospel” really is.  So much of the Bible doesn’t make sense through that lens.  Suffering and trials do something to our faith.  It takes our shallow faith that all of us cling to, whether we consciously admit it or not, and transplants into us a deeper faith and walk…one of substance…one of kingdom value…a faith and a person that God can actually use.